December 29, 2014
this year, i left a great many things.
i left the comfort & familiarity of the city where i grew up to try my luck, full-time, with the hammer & grind of a much larger city that i’ve been in love with since i first visited.
for a month, i left the routine of a 40-hour week to spend time in the deserts of Utah, learning, making, teaching, exploring (and i loved every minute of it).
i left town to work, i left town to relax and reunite with old friends, i left town to spend time with loved ones, and i left town simply to leave town.
perhaps most significant of all, i was forced to leave the physical incarnation of a person who nurtured & shaped my entire existence prior. there are photos in a box under my bed, letters in my desk, and a host of memories woven into every milestone of my chronology rattling around in my exhausted head that keep this person with me, that ensure i won’t ever have to truly leave them. but i’m sure many folks know how hard it is to measure memory with presence.
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all of this to say, i’m ready to leave this goddamn year behind. highs, lows, in-betweens - i’m not one to place much gravity on New Year’s, but i’m always appreciative of a clean slate. some personal goals for next year, just so i have them penned somewhere public, to hold myself accountable:
be more outspoken about the things i believe in. try not to be another artist who only toils quietly on meaningless work, avoids taking a stand, places income over personal ethics. straighten the slack in my spine and stand up for my principles with greater resolve.
remember that being honest with myself is as important as being honest with others. trying to please everyone is an exerise in futilty, and when it leaves you yourself unhappy, it’s an exercise in self-desctruction. better to be truthful up front and bear the pain it causes than let things grow into deep-seated problems, that are exponentially more harmful.
take better care of myself. and i don’t mean that in a the trite, “sign up for a gym membership” context, but the whole spectrum from physical shape to mental well-being. if this means taking on less work to lower stresses, so be it.
“don’t work so hard, get some sleep, and just let yourself be happy in 2015, dude.” advice from a good friend that i’ve taken to heart.
anyway, so goes my last meandering, disjointed post of 2014. wishing everyone a safe & enjoyable holiday.